Disclaimer: I am not a therapist or neurodivergence expert. I'm an undiagnosed person on the spectrum who has had a severe learning disability since about 9th grade. This article is about my own experiences.
For the purposes of this article, I'm going to lump in autism, aspergers and being on the spectrum under one umbrella. Always get your children tested by a professional so you can have a better understanding of what you are dealing with.
As a kid, I had focus issues, but once I hit about 9th grade, it got really bad. My report card was straight Ds and Fs even though I read at a very high level through elementary school. It got worse as I got older and I ended up failing out of high school. Then college. Then another college. I finally joined the military and BARELY and I mean BARELY made it through technical school.
I started to regress but the weird thing was that as I got more socially distanced, I got smarter. I remember getting a burst of intelligence in my late 20s and another in my mid 30s like John Travolta in Phenomenon.
I ended up ok. I finished my PhD, founded a PR agency and literally created a job where I can work from home and not have to be around people if I don't feel like it. I'm sensitive to sensory perception stuff, cannot stand crowds and if you get within 2 feet of me, I start getting squeamish, (unless you are Barbara Maisonet. Excellent hugs and she smells good.)
Here are success strategies for your kids if you feel like they might be on the spectrum.
1. Understand their situation but don't baby them
Being on the spectrum sucks. You literally feel like the stupidest kid in class. You are terrified if the teacher calls you and oh guess what, you probably get bullied every....day.... for....YEARS. Teach your kids to be resilient winners and NEVER let them adopt a victim mentality. If they have ADD, ADHD, dyslexia or any of that shit, there is always a workaround. Have honest talks with them and reassure them that many famous and successful people have been on the spectrum or had learning disabilities.
2. Encourage friendships and get them a damn pet
Don't let your kid get addicted to video games and hide out from the world for hours at a time. There's plenty of time to do that as an adult. Getting them a dog or cat gives them a friend and responsibilities of caring for something. Trust me, some of your kids are very lonely. A fur friend will help a ton.
3. Encourage creativity
Some of your kids are going to be really creative and it might be some shit you find odd, like manga, anime, Marvel, Dungeons and Dragons, art, music, etc. Encourage their interests. I started skateboarding in 9th grade and while my family didn't love it, they supported me when they could and it actually led to a lot of great friendships as I got older. It's ok to have a weird kid. If they want to wear a cape at the dinner table, I can think of much worse things.
4. Use every asset available
Get them tested early so you know what you are dealing with. Get them an IEP for school so they can get assistance or an aide if needed. Use YT videos like Khan Academy if they need help with math. Kids today have all the good meds that I could've used like Adderol, Ritalin, etc. Don't be scared to try new meds in small doses until finding one that works.
5. Don't discourage their path even if you disagree with it
Your kid might NEVER want to go to college because of the tremendous difficulty they see ahead. Could you walk into your garage with a set of tools and take your transmission apart and back together without help? That's literally the Herculean task that college might pose for your kid. If they have a plan that doesn't involve higher education, think twice before dissuading them. I'm not saying to NOT push them to challenge their belief system but the more you force them into things, the more they are going to fight you on it. I had to try college THREE times before getting pissed off enough to finish 6 degrees.
Hug your kids, remind them its not their fault and they are NOT stupid or slow. They just need to adapt to the wiring in their brain.
Good luck,
Rob
